Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.