Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?