Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.