Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.