What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.