What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.