I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.