I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.