Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.