Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.