I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.