I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

The man I want to be could easily beat me up.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.