I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.