I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.