Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.