Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.