The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.