Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.