The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.