Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.