Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.