America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.