Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.