A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.