A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.