A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.