Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.