Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.