The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.