Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.

We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.