Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.