Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.