Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.