Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time.