Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.