Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.