My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.