If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.