You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.