You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.