Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.