Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.