Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.