My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.