You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.