Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.