Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.