If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

The man I want to be could easily beat me up.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.