Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.