Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.