Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.