The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?