I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.