All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.