All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.