America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.