Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.