Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.