I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.