I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.