The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.