The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.