A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?