If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.