You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.