I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.