Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.