You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.