I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.