I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.