I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.